one of those days...

You know those days when your kids fight all day inspite of all your efforts to maintain peace? Outside time (WITH Mom), trip to the library, suckers...etc.

And you don't really feel good, but why bother telling anyone that?

Then it also happens to be the day you babysit an extra kid for 6 hours.

Also, your not-yet-two-year-old has decided to potty train, so you're on your toes about that, also cleaning up after that...

Then you remember that your hubby isn't gonna be home tonight to take over and do baths/bedtime...

and then you can't find those IMPORTANT papers and search everywhere. (and i mean EVERYWHERE.)

It just seems like the perfect ending to that day would be to FIND THE PAPERS.

Well, it was that day. The kids are in bed now. The house is a disaster since I didn't feel like fighting them with the clean-up routine...the bath is drained but the bath toys are there, ready to surprise the first person in the morning... the kitchen is a wreck because for some reason i decided to make a dinner that required no fewer than FIVE pans at one time. And I still can't find those papers.

I JUST WANNA FIND THEM!!

(ok, getting over it.)

I'm so thankful for my two healthy little rascals...and all the "stuff" we are blessed with (even when I can't find said "stuff") and for a hubby that's almost always home to help in the evening, and for the ability to cook... and for the dishwasher that's running... and for the kids bedtime. Today I'm really thankful for that.

I couldn't sleep from like 4-5am then the kids were up early. Kate woke up on the WRONG side of the bed, and I think she's helping everyone over to her side. Everytime Kate screams (not like a cry scream, but an "i don't want anyone to touch me" scream) I am ready to lose it. Her scream is my "crazy" button today. This is going to be an interesting day...

I think she averages one GOOD scream every 5 minutes, with the lame ones in between.

So basically, every five minutes I find myself crawling back from the edge of crazy.

To cope...right now, they are in their room and i have music so I can't hear the screams. I think we are gonna have to start consequences for this screaming...it is totally out of control. But I think we'll wait til tomorrow...when I'm a little less edgy about it (I hope.)

Thankfully (I think) I have a lot going on today... that should help.

Nothingness, really.

This is one of those truly "One Thought in a Hundred" posts, where for every sentence that is written there are about 100 more kept silent. I've been thinking so much about so many things lately...I think my brain might explode if I don't blog. But, I kind of hope nobody reads it and am wishing for the "private" setting I had back in the days of Xanga. (I feel old just writing that.)

Lately a lot of things have been going on. If I were to draw a synthetic chart of the last 4 months of my life the main themes would be "Dealing with conflict", "Dealing with whiners", and "Dealing with life."

I'll start with the last one. I am so.darn.busy. It is just crazy. And it's not necessarily the fact that I overcommitted myself as much as the fact that there is just more to my committments now than there were when I "signed up" ...for various reasons that I can't really get into publicly. If I make it through April/May having done a job well done in all areas of my busy, crazy life I am going to be PROUD. Right now, I'm aiming for Job Well Done and expecting to reach Job Done. THis is just a fact. Not a pity party. In fact, for the most part, I enjoy all that I do...as long as I have the energy!

Dealing with whiners... I'm not trying to be mean but HOLY MOLY. First let me say... Whiners is definitely the harsh term here. But I thought of "liars" too, and that seemed harsher.... but I have come to feel that a lot of the things we "vent", "whine" or otherwise "complain" about can be straight out lies. I have heard so much whining the past 4 months I'm ready to just poke my eardrums out. Granted, at least half the whining has been from my almost 21 month old daughter...and granted, that is expected... it sure doesn't help. The other half, I won't mention names, has come from various places, and it's not necessarily the whining that does me in...it's what we choose to whine about. I keep asking God why He chooses to bless us (any of us Americans, really!) when we WHINE about every.little.thing. Can't afford this (is that really true?). Didn't get my raise/bonus (Ok, so I can be guilty of that one). Can't afford that (because, you know, we NEED that material item so badly). Etc... etc... etc... And yet I look around and see how MUCH we have. And how much the same whiners seem to be blessed with inspite of the whining. I'm not gonna lie, it's hard not to be jealous. I even found myself wondering "Do I need to start whining more? It seems to be the perfect way to get what you wanted." But, I couldn't live with myself. I have friends who've lost babies, have kids with serious illnesses, who've lost their homes, and actually really can't afford LIFE... I think the rest of us need a spanking for being so stupid.

And lastly, dealing with conflict. This one has worn me down lately. It kinda goes hand in hand with the whining. And I'll be the first to admit I know I haven't handled everything/problem that's come my way exactly right...but the Lord knows I've tried. Sometimes it feels like people are looking for ways to be offended. I promise, when I don't sit next to you, it's not that I'm being a jerk. I really just wasn't thinking about the fact that you would be offended if I sat somewhere else. I wasn't trying to say you smell. I wasn't trying to send an invisible message. Promise. If I didn't call you back right away I promise it's not because I'm avoiding you (and if I am, just give me 2 hours..I'm probably just dealing with my whining daughter)...more likely it's because I've gotten (and tend to get) at least 18 phone calls every time I get in the shower or go into the other room, or someone is at my house and I can't answer. If I didn't respond to your facebook/email it's just because I hate responding to messages, or I don't know what I have to say, or honestly, I probably even (GASP) forgot! If I walked by you in Walmart the other day- sorry- I was on a mission. I normally am. Just ask Rachel O.. I think she could have spit on me in Albertsons the other day and I may not have noticed ...thankfully she just laughed at my complete dorkiness... It really seems that we need to take a step back from each situation and realize that we don't know what's going on in the other person's life... instead of coming to the conclusion that we should probably be incredibly offended by their (hardly offensive) behavior.

I know I can get better at these things. But, in the meantime, can we just put some big girl panties on and just assume the best? Going deeper...some of the conflict has been deeper. Whether it be family issues, or big mountains of "I didn't see that coming"... or whatever. Its not just me..I've seen conflict everywhere..it's crazy to me how we as Americans (or just people in general, probably) claim we "hate conflict" and yet we seem to do it SO much. It's just driving me nuts...

So, in order to turn this from a completely venting blog into something worth the last 5 minutes of my time..I'm going to tell you what I've decided from this... I can't handle it anymore. If you whine to me...I promise to listen with an open ear...but only to a point. Then I promise to be horribly honest...in a kind way...and I hope you can do the same for me. Lets don't fall together into that PIT. (I can totally understand a quick vent. But not a pit.) If you are offended by me, I challenge you to tell me, but please, first realize that I (and most ppl out there) don't go around seeking ways to offend people. Especially not my friends, or people I need to associate with regularly.

Really, I hope you didn't just read this..and if you did, that you'll give me a break. And if you read this, assume I'm not talking about you in this post. I'm not that dumb.

I Hate Taxes

I thought taxes were worthy of a blog. A Hatred Blog. I don't care if I'm getting money back. I still hate them. I will always hate taxes. You can't change that so don't try. Yes, even if I got a million bucks back. I would hate them. See what I mean? DON'T TRY.

I wish there was the opposite of a "heart" to stand for "hate" but I know it wouldn't do it justic.

Today I've spent a literal 2 hours searching for my tax junk (aka documents) and finding my write-offs for Pampered Chef, Charitable giving (which, in and of itself just makes me cranky..not the giving-the fact that it's a tax write off...), medical bills, interest paid for my mortgage...etc.... You know...it's just stupid.

I HATE TAXES.

It's not even so much that I paid them in the first place. I guess I don't even mind that-it's a part of life...so deal. But, the concept behind those who make an honest living feeling like they have to search all around, make sure they get their write-offs, and "claim" what's "theirs"...GRRRRRR.

Not that I'm gonna let it stop me from getting as much as I can back. Oh no. I will play that game to the best of my ability. And hate every living second of it.

I'm done now. And I hope nobody actually made it to the end of this post. It wasn't worth reading.

Whew

It's hunting season. (translated: No such thing as a "Saturday" anymore.)
Luke's on 2 committees at church. (Translated: evenings away a lot, and even home a lot of time spent focused on that.)
Kids have been sick with both stomach bugs and some virus that causes fever, of course always on different days. (Translated: sleepless nights)
I have been sick and having tests done (translated: I get to find a lot of babysitters so I can do a lot of stressful tests.)

I'm worn out.

I am making a decision to have a good attitude and give thanks in every circumstance. I'm glad that attitude is a choice and not something that just happens to us. And I'm thankful that it at least SEEMS like these things have got to be coming to an end soon.

Boot Shopping

I took Kaden boot shopping today.

Just me, Kaden, and Kate. Oh...and that's a "me-without-my-coffee" version of me. Let's just say that's the last time we go boot shopping without a back-up adult.

Also, I didn't even KNOW that Walmart workers knew how to offer help...until today. THEY WOULDN"T STOP. I mean, seriously, Lady...my kid is running through your store and you are talking my ear off trying to convince me to buy him a $30 pair of boots? Since when did you work on commission? First. I would like to catch my kid. Second. I'm sweating like a crazy mama cuz I wore my (apparently very WARM) snowboots and a coat (Why didn't I realize boot shopping requires shorts and tennis shoes, even on the coldest of days?) Third. You realizing my kid ran off and then trying to WOO him back is only making matters worse-he thinks it's a hilarious scene. Fourth. I AM NOT PAYING $30 TO WALMART FOR BOOTS FOR A 2 YEAR OLD!!!! If I wanted to pay that much I'd go to Payless and at least get a second pair half price just to make myself feel better.

Moving On. Dear Kmart. Your store associates were slightly better. At least they tried to convince my 2 year old BOY to want a BOY pair of boots. Unfortunately, your store training needs improvement in that area. I think it may have actually convinced him that the Tinkerbell boots were the only ones allowed to touch his toes. At least they are blue Tinkerbells. Also, your associate may be the only stranger EVER to actually calm down my screaming Kate. For that, I am forever thankful. Lastly, I'd have appreciated it if the boots could have been on sale the TEENIEST bit. I mean your winter coats were 40% off. Was that just to make me feel bad that the boots were NOT. If the boots go on sale this Sunday I swear....

All in all, I learned some very important lessons. 1. NEVER EVER FORGET YOU COFFEE ON A MONDAY MORNING. 2. Boot shopping for a 2 year old is never a good idea alone. 3. Boot shopping with a 2 year old and no coffee is nearly fatal. 4. Just stay home on Mondays. Just stay home.

I know you are all dying to see his new boots. Luke says they're "gross." I don't know if I've ever heard Luke use that word before. So, here they are. They aren't as bad as they could be-let's all just keep that in mind.


Since we are on the subject of boots- I was told once that if you go boot shopping with a guy, you are destined for marriage. That was about 3 weeks before Luke asked me to go shopping for boots with him. I knew we were meant to be. (Thankfully, I knew that before, so I will never question it..but still.) Whatever girl is destined to boot shop with my boy---I pray for patience and lots of love.

Making My House Into My Home. (It's not as easy as it sounds!)

Today a friend helped me tear off wallpaper in our dining room. It was fun to do with someone else, but it was work. I'm finding that I'm (already) sore. I'm not sure if it's worse just that I'm sore, or that I was feeling it within an hour of being done.

We ran into some interesting problems...which, sadly, I knew we would. It seems as though whoever owned this house before us had to have purposely done everything wrong. There is no way you could accidentally do things SO horrible. First, wallpapering walls. REALLY, PEOPLE????? No offense...actually..yes, take offense...really? WALLPAPER?!?? Second, while wallpapering, not bothering to make it the same length as your wall, and then sticking it to both the ceiling and trim randomly as it's too long? SERIOUSLY! Third, taking off just enough wallpaper to fix part of the wall, then painting OVER wallpaper the rest of the wallpaper to hide the problem???? really, people? REALLY??? Fourth, using textured paint. TEXTURED!? to "hide" (which it did a very poor job of) your wallpaper missing, putty filled (and not sanded or made even)wall? Fifth, painting OVER the wallpaper onto both the trim and the ceiling further more looking terrible and making it even more difficult to get off. Sixth, rolling on the TEXTURED paint so fast that it splatters not ONLY on the baseboards and trim, but also the floors. COULD WE DO THIS JOB ANY WORSE?

I rest my case: one must TRY to do this terrible of a job.

and to fix it....I don't want to think about it anymore.

Anyway, all that to say, we've got the wallpaper of 2 of the 3 walls (granted, one wall is VERY small...but still...a wall), and the 3rd wall will be the doozy. Going around a window, patio door and back behind the fridge means there's much more trim that they *most likely* decided to seal more with paint.

I have no words.