Salesman

So, yesterday, I heard my doorbell. To me that means one of 3 things:

1) I have a delivery from Fedex (I didn't think I had anything coming so I was pretty sure this was not the reason for the doorbell.

2) My pastor was at the door (but since I was not in my pajamas I figured this couldn't be it either. He has the worst timing! And, I make this sound like it happens often, it doesn't..it was just a good way to point out that every time he happens to drop something off I look like a lazy bum.) Anyway..

3) Another Salesman.

And so it was, that when I answered the door I thought maybe it was option 3: the salesman. But this guy didn't look like a salesman. Let me elaborate. He looked like he may have just gotten out of prison...just long enough to have shaved and changed out of the jumpsuit into some ill-fitting shorts and tshirt. He was balding. And young. So the first thing he says is, "HI! Is your mom or dad home?"

....

Really? Ok, I do look young. But the first thing that popped in my head was, "What do I say? He looks like a rapist creep. If I say 'No' what if he's here to rape me?" Eventually, I just said "It's my house." At least then he couldn't know if someone else was home or not.

Enter Kaden. In his underwear. Keep in mind, I didn't know if this was a salesman (so far, no evidence) or a creepy monster. So I tell Kaden to go put shorts on. No answer. So this guy finds it convenient then, to ask me how old I was. Somehow, I don't know why, I told him 26. To which he replies "OH! I'm 27! I have a couple boys. Looks like you have a boy too. Aren't kids just...." Ok by this point I was like this is getting rediculous.

Finally he pulls from his back pocket a little spray bottle of "Cleaner"...before he could say a word I said, "We have lots of salesmen around here, and I've seen that product and I don't want it." (And by "seen that product" what i meant another salesman has gotten exactly this far into showing it to me.) Anyway, so he uses every sales technique in the book (I would know, I sell Pampered Chef...I've had training.) and I used every "get out of this sale" technique in the book. I tried telling him NO. I tried telling him I needed to leave to get my sons hair cut. I told him I had no money. I told him EVERYTHING. Nothing. He wouldn't even take a step backward on my front step for me to close the door. Nope. So finally I looked at him in the (scary) eyes and said "Listen, I don't CLEAN my house, and I don't want cleaner."

Yep. I told a salesman I don't clean my house. Normally I'd be mortified that someone would even THINK to believe that about me. But this time I was relieved that he did believe me. And he left. But only after asking if it was just me and my son around... I made sure he knew I was happily married. Thank you very much.

I laughed out loud to myself later. "I don't clean my house"...are you kidding me? Just that morning I scrubbed both bathroom and kitchen and had to constantly keep my OCD from rearing it's ugly head. I am perfectionist about my stupid floors, much less the other stuff.... "I don't clean my house!" I can't get over it. I crack myself up.

So, if you find yourself face to face with a scary looking cleaning salesman...now you have your weapon. Trust me...nothing else works.