Nothingness, really.

This is one of those truly "One Thought in a Hundred" posts, where for every sentence that is written there are about 100 more kept silent. I've been thinking so much about so many things lately...I think my brain might explode if I don't blog. But, I kind of hope nobody reads it and am wishing for the "private" setting I had back in the days of Xanga. (I feel old just writing that.)

Lately a lot of things have been going on. If I were to draw a synthetic chart of the last 4 months of my life the main themes would be "Dealing with conflict", "Dealing with whiners", and "Dealing with life."

I'll start with the last one. I am so.darn.busy. It is just crazy. And it's not necessarily the fact that I overcommitted myself as much as the fact that there is just more to my committments now than there were when I "signed up" ...for various reasons that I can't really get into publicly. If I make it through April/May having done a job well done in all areas of my busy, crazy life I am going to be PROUD. Right now, I'm aiming for Job Well Done and expecting to reach Job Done. THis is just a fact. Not a pity party. In fact, for the most part, I enjoy all that I do...as long as I have the energy!

Dealing with whiners... I'm not trying to be mean but HOLY MOLY. First let me say... Whiners is definitely the harsh term here. But I thought of "liars" too, and that seemed harsher.... but I have come to feel that a lot of the things we "vent", "whine" or otherwise "complain" about can be straight out lies. I have heard so much whining the past 4 months I'm ready to just poke my eardrums out. Granted, at least half the whining has been from my almost 21 month old daughter...and granted, that is expected... it sure doesn't help. The other half, I won't mention names, has come from various places, and it's not necessarily the whining that does me in...it's what we choose to whine about. I keep asking God why He chooses to bless us (any of us Americans, really!) when we WHINE about every.little.thing. Can't afford this (is that really true?). Didn't get my raise/bonus (Ok, so I can be guilty of that one). Can't afford that (because, you know, we NEED that material item so badly). Etc... etc... etc... And yet I look around and see how MUCH we have. And how much the same whiners seem to be blessed with inspite of the whining. I'm not gonna lie, it's hard not to be jealous. I even found myself wondering "Do I need to start whining more? It seems to be the perfect way to get what you wanted." But, I couldn't live with myself. I have friends who've lost babies, have kids with serious illnesses, who've lost their homes, and actually really can't afford LIFE... I think the rest of us need a spanking for being so stupid.

And lastly, dealing with conflict. This one has worn me down lately. It kinda goes hand in hand with the whining. And I'll be the first to admit I know I haven't handled everything/problem that's come my way exactly right...but the Lord knows I've tried. Sometimes it feels like people are looking for ways to be offended. I promise, when I don't sit next to you, it's not that I'm being a jerk. I really just wasn't thinking about the fact that you would be offended if I sat somewhere else. I wasn't trying to say you smell. I wasn't trying to send an invisible message. Promise. If I didn't call you back right away I promise it's not because I'm avoiding you (and if I am, just give me 2 hours..I'm probably just dealing with my whining daughter)...more likely it's because I've gotten (and tend to get) at least 18 phone calls every time I get in the shower or go into the other room, or someone is at my house and I can't answer. If I didn't respond to your facebook/email it's just because I hate responding to messages, or I don't know what I have to say, or honestly, I probably even (GASP) forgot! If I walked by you in Walmart the other day- sorry- I was on a mission. I normally am. Just ask Rachel O.. I think she could have spit on me in Albertsons the other day and I may not have noticed ...thankfully she just laughed at my complete dorkiness... It really seems that we need to take a step back from each situation and realize that we don't know what's going on in the other person's life... instead of coming to the conclusion that we should probably be incredibly offended by their (hardly offensive) behavior.

I know I can get better at these things. But, in the meantime, can we just put some big girl panties on and just assume the best? Going deeper...some of the conflict has been deeper. Whether it be family issues, or big mountains of "I didn't see that coming"... or whatever. Its not just me..I've seen conflict everywhere..it's crazy to me how we as Americans (or just people in general, probably) claim we "hate conflict" and yet we seem to do it SO much. It's just driving me nuts...

So, in order to turn this from a completely venting blog into something worth the last 5 minutes of my time..I'm going to tell you what I've decided from this... I can't handle it anymore. If you whine to me...I promise to listen with an open ear...but only to a point. Then I promise to be horribly honest...in a kind way...and I hope you can do the same for me. Lets don't fall together into that PIT. (I can totally understand a quick vent. But not a pit.) If you are offended by me, I challenge you to tell me, but please, first realize that I (and most ppl out there) don't go around seeking ways to offend people. Especially not my friends, or people I need to associate with regularly.

Really, I hope you didn't just read this..and if you did, that you'll give me a break. And if you read this, assume I'm not talking about you in this post. I'm not that dumb.

My laughs for the day

Kaden: "Excuse me." (this is what he normally says to get my attention)
Mom: "What?"
Kaden: "Excuse me."
Mom: "What, Kaders"
Kaden: "Excuse me."
Mom: "Kaden, WHAT?"
Kaden: "Oh I was just burping a lot.... Mom when I burp I say excuse me."
Mom: "Oh, ok...that's good."
Kaden: "Mom, Roslyn can't talk so she uses her burp cloth to cover her burps."

Kaden: "Mom, can you untangle this for me?"
Mom: "Sure, will you go get my purse off the table while I do that?"
Kaden comes back empty handed.
Mom: "Did you get my purse?"
Kaden: "Yep, it's on the floor!"
Thanks Kaden, I guess I should have been more clear.

Christmas letter 2011

Some of you will get this in the mail, but here it is for the rest of you!

Dear friends and family, Dec 24, ’11
Merry Christmas and, by the time you all read this, Happy New Year! This year has been busy and GOOD. We are so thankful for the health we have had, and the ways God has provided.
Katelyn is now 20 months old. She loves dolls, coloring (or anything to do at the table!), and teasing her brother. She has mastered the art of grabbing his toy and taking off in record speeds. It has been so fun to see them play and interact more as she gets older. Katelyn still refuses to talk for the most part…although “Uh Uh” (her “no”) is common, and every once in a while you might hear an “Uh oh” slip out. We think she’s saving up to surprise us with full sentences one of these days. In the meantime, in order to relieve some frustration that comes with the lack of words, we have taught her some sign language. She loves it. In a month she learned “please”, “all done”, “more” (we didn’t even want her to learn that one-she picked it up at church!), “help”, “drink” and a few others. We see significantly fewer fits and tantrums because she feels like she has the ability to communicate! She has 2 speech therapists that she meets with and they are constantly amazed at her fine motor skills (she can put together puzzles, match colors, etc NO problem) and attention span (she’ll sit and play at the table for a couple hours at a time), and are not worried about her speech development at all.
Kaden (3 ½) is still our talker. He talks so much he runs out of things to say, and then he’ll ask me what else he should talk about. Often we will wake up to him standing by us asking if he can talk about breakfast. He loves food. He’s a growing boy and manages to put away amazing amounts of food. He also loves anything trains, and has somehow managed to amass quite the collection of wooden train tracks. One can no longer visit the Antonich’s without being introduced to his trains. This year Kaden got to join the AWANA Cubbies program, and just recently started attending Children’s church. He loves them! He also took 5 weeks of swimming lessons and passed his class on the first try! He loves to hang out under water! He also recently gave up napping. (Sad day!) In March, he had surgery to have his tonsils and adnoids removed. We are amazed at how it changed his voice…he no longer sounds like he’s talking around a golf ball! It has changed his life-as now he can breathe when he runs, sleep through the night, and hasn’t had antibiotics even ONCE since the surgery! We can’t believe we ever wondered if he need them taken out!
Luke has kept very busy at work with PCA this year. He just ended his “outside work” for the “summer” about 2 weeks ago, and is now back in the office already feeling behind on his designs for next summer! We are thankful for the work, but looking forward to vacation time this spring!!! Luke still sings in the choir at church, has led worship several times this year, and is on several committees. He just started league basketball this month and is enjoying that a lot. He had surgery this month to remove a mole on his nose (yes, surgery for that) and that was his contribution to our deductibles!  (We are ready to be done with surgeries for a while!) His project for the house this year was to finish our dining room (it looks BEAUTIFUL!) and keep on top of the contractors who finally got our new siding put on! We love it! He also installed 4 new windows (all new windows now!) and we are hoping we are done with the major house repairs for a while! Maybe now he’ll have time to finish the garage that he has insulated/painted and needs to build work benches for!
Bethany keeps busy being mom, cook, wife, and referee (for the kids!). She is still working as a Pampered Chef consultant with 2 cooking clubs per month. She still directs the church nursery and in August, she added 2-3 five hour days a week of babysitting a baby girl who is now 6 months old. In September, she (reluctantly) agreed to co-coordinate the local MOPS group. It has been a challenge- to say the least- and a learning experience. Thankfully, the challenge has been fairly enjoyable – and she has learned a lot about her leadership style, as well as gained many new friends! This year she also (again, reluctantly) co-directed VBS at our church. This too was a challenge, and very rewarding…she is looking forward to doing it again this summer. She is trying to learn not to be so reluctant about these things! She also organizes a “monthly” (more like every 6 weeks) Craft Saturday at church where she enjoys working on Kaden and Kate’s scrapbooks and hanging out with friends while Luke cares for the kids.
In June, Bethany and the kids took a trip to Denver to celebrate Rachel Allen’s 30th birthday. It was a fun week filled with zoos, pools, trains, food, and more! Kaden still talks about it often! In July, we headed to Bethany’s parents house to help them paint their house, then Bethany and the kids got to visit with family friends in Butte for a few days. In October, more family friends- Bill and Nate Allen- visited again from Arkansas to hunt for a few days. We sure enjoy having them around (and think they need to move here).  When we return home from Christmas vacation we look forward to having a college student- Allison- move in with us for the next 4 months while she student teaches in Gillette.
As we get ready to open presents tomorrow we have been frequently explaining to Kaden why it is that we get to have this holiday called Christmas. He has helped us see this Christmas story through the eyes of a child and we hope that you also can take the time to go back to the basics of Christmas! It truly is amazing that a great big God sent His Son to earth on Christmas day just because He loved us so much. Now that’s something to celebrate!
Love from the Antonich’s


Kaden Kwotes:
Kaden: What are we having for breakfast? Mom: Worms and alligator tongues!
Kaden: (the beginnings of a fit) I don't WANT that! I want YOGURT and alligator tongues!
• Kaden stopped dead in his tracks, looked around...then said "I just forgot myself.... MOM! what was I going to say?"
• Kaden: "I found a chocolate chip under the stove. ...sooooo I kinda ate it."
• "Mom, if some little Katelyn chewed on this and ruined it, I'd be sooooo sad." –Kaden (as if I don’t know which Katelyn he might be talking about…)
• Kaden- to Katelyn as she scratched his legs- "Katelyn no more scratching. STOP scratching" slight pause..."No scratching! I CAN SCRATCH MYSELF!"
• "Mom, when I get a little bit bigger, and that tree gets a little bit smaller, THEN I'm going to climb up it!" –Kaden
• "Good morning Mom! Time to get up?" ~ Kaden, 15 minutes after going to bed. (I was almost convinced…)
• Kaden: “Dad can I have a bath when we get home?” Dad: “No, Kaden, it’s bedtime.” Kaden (in a serious voice): “JUST because I WANT something, doesn’t mean you always have to say NO!” (He got a short bath…it WAS a pretty good argument.)

Funny Kaden-boy

Kaden: "Dad, what would happen if we only had one leg?"
Luke: "We'd have a hard time walking!"
Kaden:"OH. Yes. Yes. I knew that. I knew that."

Kaden to Mom while we were driving to get his hair cut... right after we made a right turn. "Excuse me Mom, are you sure we're going the right way?"
Mom: "Yes Kaden."
(Next turn.) Kaden: "Um, Excuse me, Mom... are you SURE we're going the right way?" (Ok, so I had veered into the Starbucks lane!)

Kadenisms

Kaden: What are we having for breakfast?
Mom: Worms and alligator tongues!
K: (the beginnings of a fit) I don't WANT that! I want YOGURT and alligator tongues!

"Mom, if some little Katelyn chewed on this and ruined it, I'd be sooooo sad." -Kaden

Kaden stopped dead in his tracks, looked around...then said "I just forgot myself.... MOM! what was I going to say?" (I think he meant "do")

Kaden: "I found a chocolate chip under the stove. ...sooooo I kinda ate it."

Just the basics of the last 2 months!

Kaden: "Daddy, when we get home can I have a bath?"
Silence as Daddy considers it (it is already bedtime).
Kaden: same question.
Daddy: "No Kaden, I don't think we're going to do baths tonight."
Kaden: "JUST because I ask you for something DOESN'T mean you always have to say NO!"
Poor kid got a short bath.

The last 2 months have been insanely busy. In November Kaden took 5 weeks of swim lessons with his friend Quincy. He thoroughly enjoyed every second of those lessons! The first day of lessons Kaden convinced his teacher to take him to the deep end afterwards. She didn't know what she was getting into...almost every lesson he begged, pleaded, and otherwise convinced her to spoil him for a few minutes after lessons. He also was the kid who was always in trouble and had to sit on the wall. He wasn't trying to be naughty, but he just loved to be underwater. Apparently going underwater while the teacher is working with other kids is a big no-no. Also, he didn't have the greatest attention span, and loved trying to make the other kids laugh. I was told before we started not to expect him to pass because "they never pass a kid the first time." Well, I'm proud to say he passed! (I do have to wonder if the teacher just wanted to be rid of him!) He was able to hold his breath under water for 3 seconds, push off the wall on both is front and back and glide 2 body lengths, pick up an object off the floor of the pool, and other things like that. He even jumped off the diving board twice! He was one of only 2 kids to pass.

Katelyn and I spent that time either sitting and watching (well, she ate suckers...) or we suited up and walked the "lazy river" together with a friend and her daughter. Walking against the current is harder than it first appears! Katelyn loved getting to be in the water too.

For Thanksgiving we headed to Montana to my parents house (and sadly, we forgot our camera.) We were able to spend Thanksgiving with 3 of my 4 brothers and my Grandparents. The last time I was able to be home for Thanksgiving I was pregnant with Kaden and sick, sick, sick. I don't even remember most of it. It was fun to do all of our traditions: the meal, graham cracker houses, games, and leftovers on already too full stomachs. Kaden still talks about the house he made (which had character! I wish I had a photo!) and has asked Gramma to save it for him at Christmas so he can eat the candy off of it. So fun to share traditions that I enjoyed at his age!

For my birthday my parents offered to keep our kids for the night the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We left around 9am and headed to Billings to shop. It was so weird to drive in silence, and the car felt so empty! We shopped alllll day, then had a nice hotel with heated pool and hot tub. We shopped a little more on Sunday and were able to get much of our Christmas shopping done. We met my parents with the kids at Sams around noon. Katelyn wouldn't even look at me when we met up. She held out, not looking at us, and refusing to come to us until Gramma threatened to put her in the car and take her back home. She practically leaped into my arms! What a stinker! It was a very fun weekend, but it always reminds me how much a part of my life my kids are. I sure do love them. (I just don't love shopping with them!!!!!!)

(I am so thankful for autosave as I accidentally just deleted this entire post. It had autosaved just a few seconds before!!!)

This month has been filled with Christmas Parties, (for MOPS, PCA, Church..), meetings for church, and other holiday fun. Yesterday Kaden and I were laying on the floor by the tree looking into the ornament's reflections and talking about Christmas. He has been asked several times by people what he wants from Santa, which has generated much talk. He is confused between the link between Santa and Baby Jesus. We are talking about how Santa is someone we pretend brings us presents, and Baby Jesus is real, and was born as the son of God. After we talked about that I asked him what he wanted for Christmas and his reply was, "Ummmmmm...some more trains, some more trucks, and something for Katelyn." It melted my heart. A while later, curious as to what he'd say, I asked again. He replied the same exact phrase. So we decided to take him out Christmas shopping for his sister. They each got each other a present and we are talking about how we get presents for each other at Christmas and why. It has been fun to see him question, and put together the pieces that everyone teaches him about Christmas.

This week Luke had an appointment to find out if the mole on his nose was something we needed to be worried about since it was changing in shape/size from year to year. Since he works in the sun many hours all summer long we wanted to make sure it was not going to be something to cause skin cancer, etc... The doctor said that he was fairly confident that it was nothing, but said that it might be best to have it removed just to make sure. It ended up being more than we bargained for. Apparently to make an inscision on the face they have to put you under anesthetic to ensure that you won't move and screw anything up. So 2 days later Luke went in for that surgery. It was not a very fun experience for either of us, but it's over now and we're glad to have it behind us!

In a week we are headed back to Montana to spend Christmas with Luke's family. It's hard to believe it's already that time of year! During that stay I'm hoping to write our Christmas letter (which is actually a new years letter and I don't know why I still call it our Christmas letter and send it in Christmasy envelopes!) We need to take a family picture- I wish I'd thought of that before Luke's surgery! (I bet he wishes that too!)

Dining Room...again

My inspiration more...2 years ago. I hated the little tiny mirrors though, wanted simpler crown molding, and to personalize it MY way. There are 2 things left undone...I'll give a prize to the first person to notice which 2 things still need done! (And if you find something that I hadn't noticed, I might have to hurt you!

before...

after...(i really wish I'd shown the crown molding in this picture! UGH!)

Here's one with the crown... the mirror (and in another pic you'll see 3 small orange canvasses) are from Kmart...(i hate Kmart!) the sconces are from ebay. It took me HOURS to find the right ones. The curtains don't match but I bet you'd never notice (and no, that isn't one of the 2 things), one set is from Amazon and one from JC Penny...

Here's another random pic...notice my 2 huge pans hanging between the windows. I was nervous about that idea...i LOVE it. So convenient.

kitchen...(notice my collection of utensils on my countertop has grown exponentially. While I don't like taking counterspace, I do love me some Pampered Chef!!!)


Notice the carpet in this one...

NO MORE CARPET!!!! (also, here are those 3 little canvasses...fake canvasses is what i mean)

anther random...

These last 2 are really hard to get good pictures of with a point and shoot camera...but you can see a big difference still.
before...


All in all, i think I kicked the original inspiration photo's BUTT. Better mirror(didn't know all along what i was gonna do, but since i did do a mirror..it is better...)Better crown. And personalized perfectly "A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen" (even if it does drive me completely nuts!!!) And to finish it off...my hubby used a ceiling pan rack so I could hang my pans in the cupboard. I LOVE it.

My kitchen might not be big, but I think I have the best one.