This Post Does Not Have a Title.

I literally just sat here for 2 minutes with my fingers positioned and....nothin'. (Annnnnd...it just happened again.) There's been so much going on in our "neck of the woods" and it seems like I'd have so much to write...it's just that I don't feel like it. Not at all.

I can't wait until January 1. Some days I think it's going to be like this magical day. One where all our bills vanish. (HA!) Where we are suddenly well. And where time slows down and the "to do" list shrinks. And I let myself believe it.

Other days I tell myself I better quit living in that dreamland and SOON. Sometimes life is just tough. Lately, I've felt ganged up on in many areas. Mostly health-wise and financially. I feel like we no sooner get one doctor to clear us and we start the next. While I'm on the subject, you can say a little prayer for us on Wednesday-which happens to be the next Dr. appointment-this time with my surgeon. I'll blog more about that later. For now, you can just pray that it'll all work out-preferrably before Jan 1.

When I start feeling ganged up on I have options. Sometimes I choose to look back and think "Yep, I'm right. First it was sick and pregnant. Then it was gallbladder surgery. then it was 9 weeks of sickness for Kaden with bouts of us in there too. Then it was me again with MRI's EKG's etc..., then it was Kate and her ER trips and testing mingled with the flu and colds circulating again, then it was me again. and I haven't even mentioned the relationship struggles, church struggles, and our hail damage..." And then I feel really depressed and defeated. Other times I choose to think about how much I've grown. I've seen God's provision-in finances, timing, etc. I've seen God's mercy and love. And I would say my close relationships have been strengthened. I wouldn't take that back for anything.

This all came to me as I've been pondering my Christmas Letter. The one that's actually a New Years letter because I never get it done til we go to my parents house for vacation. I wondered how to write about a year of struggles, sickness, hurt, and frustration. I pondered writing in "top 10" style..and part of me doesn't want to because it just wouldn't be fair to "act" like life has been so good, when i feel so beat down. But the more I think about it, the more I want to. I want to focus on the good. I want to focus on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy..." that's what I want to think about. I want to tell about my year in a way that God will be exalted.

so. be expecting that. It'll be posted on here sometime in January.