2010 Christmas Letter

Dear friends and family,

Merry Christmas! And, by the time you get this Happy New Year! For us it has been a crazy and growing year in so many ways. We are looking forward to 2011.
We had our baby girl! Katelyn Joy was born on April 28- 2 days before her due date. (7lb 1oz for those who care!) What a difference from Kaden! Everything from being born early, smaller, and easier to looking, acting, and reacting differently! Basically, if Kaden liked/did it, she does not…and vice versa. “Katelyn” means “Pure” and she has TRULY been a Pure Joy. She is 8 months old today and so close to crawling. She is as laid-back as they come and her favorite thing is to laugh with her big brother. Her big blue eyes get her a lot of attention. She loves to smile, and talk to people, but mostly only from the safety of Mommy’s arms! She has already had 2 ER visits which resulted in a few tests in Rapid City to make sure her kidneys/bladder are working properly. In December she was declared healthy and that was a big relief for all of us.
Our Kaden-boy turned 2 in July! Kaden is still just as fun-loving and outgoing as ever. We sometimes wonder how he can talk so much and he is constantly praised for his vocabulary. Sometimes his mom wishes for some silence. He adores his baby sister and has been nothing but nice to her. In September, Kaden decided he was done with diapers. It took about 3 weeks to feel that he was truly potty trained. Bethany feels blessed to have had it so easy. He loves Diego, church, MOPS, trucks with trailers, trains, and almost every food. He’s been sick almost constantly since the end of August (which doesn’t seem to slow him down a whole lot) and we are in the process of finding out if he has allergies or tonsil problems.
Luke has been a busy guy this year (and thankfully, mostly healthy!). He still works for PCA Engineering, and still enjoys it. This year he was on the Youth Pastor Search, Budget, and Counting Committees for our church. He enjoyed playing basketball on a team from PCA, and softball with the church team. He didn’t have a lot of time for hunting since the family decided to be sick all at once. When he isn’t at work, church, or taking care of kids, Bethany keeps him busy fixing up the house. This year’s projects: painting/repairing the dining room and kitchen and putting in new flooring. Let’s just say it wasn’t as simple as it sounds. At all. He is rethinking his “One Project A Year Rule” –We may not have a project in this new year! (Except for the hail damaged windows that need replaced, and a few “small” projects from said hail damage. Ha!)
Bethany is busier now with the 2 kids, and is involved with MOPS, Director of the Church nursery, Bible Studies, Pampered Chef shows and 2 cooking clubs, and attempting to keep up with home life. After many problems during her pregnancy it was decided that her gallbladder must be removed. In July, she had surgery to remove it and feels so much better. The highlight of her year was her purchase of a Cricut Expression which enabled her to put together a “50 Years of Memories” scrapbook for a surprise 50th Anniversary party for her grandparents. She is looking forward to working on both Kaden and Kate’s baby books “someday when life slows down a little.” (It has been said that “someday” is the code-word for “never.”)
We were able to spend time with many family members and friends throughout the year. Bethany’s parents were able to come help out both after the birth of Kate, and after Bethany’s surgery. Luke’s mom also came after the surgery (for the 2nd week) and his parents came to watch kids while we attended a Weekend to Remember conference in Rapid City. (Which we both highly recommend!) In February, Bethany’s friend Rachel came from Oklahoma for a few days. She came again in October, this time with her dad (Bill) and brother (Nate) from Arkansas. Rachel kept Bethany and the kids busy and entertained while Bill & Nate hunted the wild west of Wyoming. Both were successful and we made some good memories and ate some good food.  In May, when Katelyn was 2 weeks old, we made a quick trip to MT for the funeral of Luke’s Grandmother. It was a bittersweet trip. It is always hard to say goodbye, but it brought together family from all directions and it was fun to visit with them. We made another trip to MT for the 4th of July-this time for the wedding of Luke’s high school friend.
We spent about 10 days in MT for our Christmas vacation, splitting that time between both sets of parents. It was a busy and fun-filled time with Christmas celebrations, a 50th anniversary party, coffee, sledding, food (aka cooking) and a great lack of sleep. We were reminded how important family is-especially family built on the foundation of Jesus Christ-that baby born to set us free. We are truly blessed.
With Love from the Antonich’s


Kaden Kwotes:
• As Luke was putting Kaden to bed one night: “It’s dark in here, Daddy! I can’t see my eyes.”
• After one of the first snows of the year. Kaden: “Oooh Nooo!” Mom: “What’s wrong, Kaden!” Kaden: “Park dirty!” For the longest time he refused to call it snow. It was “snowdirt.”
• First snow of the season I took Kaden out to play. The first thing he said was “Mommy, I can EAT it!”
• One night Luke had popped my toes. After a minute Kaden’s shoes and socks were off, and his foot in Luke’s lap: “Daddy, break MY toes!” Then the very next night he had a babysitter and he started pulling on her finger and telling her “Kaden break your finger!” At first, she was horrified.
• We tore up the kitchen floor one night after Kaden went to bed. In the morning he stopped mid-run into the kitchen. “Oh No! Floor broken!”
• Kaden talking to a friend at church who is bald on top: Kaden: “What’s this?” Earl: “My mustache.” Kaden, pointing to his mustache then to his bald head: “That go on there.”
• Kaden tossed a ball to Katelyn (who had learned to sit only earlier that week) and it hit her in the face and tipped her over. “Uh oh, baby. Try again.”

Meet: My Family. The People You Never Knew You Needed to Know

I'm sitting here thoroughly enjoying the kids' naptime. I don't really have a lot to say, but it just seemed appropriate to blog while the kids were down! So, I think I'll post some pictures to inspire me!

Picture #1
These are my amazing Grandparents. They "adopted" our family the same time I was born and have loved on us ever since. In some ways they are the "realest" grandparents I've known! I just love them. They celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary in June and that was what I was making the scrapbook for. We had a surprise party for them on December 26th and it was a complete hit. AND every family member (all 28 of us) was able to be there for the special party. At the end we gave them money to buy some recliners and we could tell it had meant a lot to them. Its memories I'll never 0forget.

Picture #2
This is My immediate family with Grandma and Gramps...my how we've grown. Wish I had an old pic for comparison. But I am just to lazy to ever scan in pictures!

Picture #3
This is my Grandparents with their real family...kids and grandkids. There's a lot of them too...it's fun to look back and pictures of their girls with us as babies, then of us with their kids as babies, and now their kids with my babies...

Picture #4
Meet my twin brother Brandon. Yes. My twin. But older by 5 minutes. I show you his picture first because I want you to notice how we look the least alike of anyone in my family. We are as different as Kaden and Katelyn are different. I like having a twin now. I didn't think much of it growing up. Would I want to have twins? Never. Anyway, for all you single ladies reading-he is 26 and single. Great catch if you ask me...just sayin'!

Picture #5
Meet my brother Jeremy. (He's the one ON the rocking horse.)He's the middle child. He's also the one I blame Kaden on! A talker and debate-master. A pro at both, really. It was fun to see how much Kaden is like him (and how much he will deny that) while we were together at Christmas. Jeremy tries to live in Never Never Land and never wants to grow up (if you couldn't tell by the picture), His wife Allison is good for him.

Picture #6
Meet Andrew. He's my 2nd to oldest brother. He was too busy playing with my kids to get a picture of just him. Andrew's the dare-devil, fearless one. He says I'm just a worry wort. I think he's crazy. I guess we're even. Also a great catch....

Picture #7
And finally...Meet Aaron. He's my oldest brother. (Yes...4 if you counted right...all older.) He's the engineer. The level head. The thinker of the family. He has some pretty cute little boys too... This is a self portrait. Let's just say he's better at scenery. Also, yes, that is me in the background. Blerg.

Picture #8
I guess I shouldn't leave off my parents. So here they are...my mom and dad. They are pretty cool grandparents and adore all 4 grandchildren. Mom cooks up a storm whenever we're all home and I feel bad that she works so hard. Dad's usually found in his garage or with his stereo sytsem with one of "the boys." (they hate when I call them that.) THey keep saying they are going to retire...but I'll believe it when I see it.

broke

I cried today. (a lot)

Right after I told my mother in law that I hate to cry and rarely do because my face breaks out into this mass of broken blood vessels and swollen eyes.

It doesn't really matter what I cried about or why. What I learned is that after the kind of stress I've been feeling..which several previous posts have given you glimpses of...sometimes you just gotta let it out.

On Tuesday the surgeon called to say that the lump wasn't cancer-or any other horrible thing- and this was the last "big" thing stressing me out. After the call I expected to feel this immediate relief from all things stress. This great weight lifted off my shoulder. A weight of stress that started in the beginning of November (really, earlier if I'm to be completely honest) and just built from what seemed like all sides. But I didn't feel it. I expected to have all this uncontrollable energy, boundless smiles, and carefree thoughts. When I got the call, yah, i smiled, and yah i was excited...but then I was just exhausted. I didn't feel any different.

Now, to be fair, not all the stress in my life was "bad" stress. Like the scrapbook and deadline. That was really fun to do, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But, still stress. Some of the other stress of relationships (family and friends), illness/tests (for 3 out of 4 of us) and money were unavoidable, and bad stress. Still other parts of my stress level were avoidable and totally my own fault. I kept a lot to myself to "deal with" on my own. My fears, mostly. I prayed a lot and thought that should be enough. I even told myself that I shouldn't be stressed about it (mostly the medical) and to buck up. If I had it to do over again I would be more open to share-not just the facts-but the fears and feelings. Still not maybe with the whole world. but at least with my own family.

I've learned something about either myself or stress. I'm guessing both. If it takes 2 months to go up...it will probably take more than a few moments (or a phone call) to go back down. My expectations were, literally, quite rediculous. and I cracked. I think I cracked because on top of how I'd been feeling for 2 months, I felt like it should all be DONE now. I should be carefree and energetic. And when I wasn't, I wondered what was wrong-and my unmet expectations stopped me from "detoxing".

In the past, I've dealt with a lot of stress. This is definitely not the first time of my life I've felt a load of stress. (For example, when we graduated, moved to WY, had a baby, had $0 to our name, and didn't have a single friend in town....) I think the biggest difference is this stress affected my KIDS. And my family. Not just me. And on top of that most of it had potential to be life changing-in a bad way.

What I'm saying is- i learned a lot. I have grown a lot. and I needed a great big cry to get my attention. Now I can let myself detox in a healthy way.

And I CAN'T wait to get home and get back to "normal" life. And when I say that, don't get me wrong. My kids are still sick, and not everything's perfect back home. But, I do have a lot less on my mind than when we left home!

I just reread this blog-and it isn't saying what I mean at all. I think because I can't put it into words. So i keep starting a new paragraph to try again. I get it now though. That's all that matters. And I feel like now a great weight HAS been lifted...

I Said A Little Prayer

Today I went shopping in Great Falls...ALL BY MYSELF.
I've never liked shopping alone, but after the craziness of the last month it was just what I needed. As I was driving to Ross I got to thinking about the lump I had removed a week ago. I didn't think about it a whole lot until all the festivities were over and I didn't have distraction. Then every time I moved my arm and felt the incision I wondered. The surgeon had told me NOT to expect results before Wednesday because of the holidays, and his surgery days. So I prayed. During that prayer at some point I said something to the effect of "God, I really just want to know. Could you maybe have the surgeon call me today instead of tomorrow?" It was 4pm.
I went into Ross and as I was trying on some clothes my phone rang. It was the surgeon on his cell phone. He said "Hi Bethany?" "Yes" "I usually don't call on surgery days, but I thought I should call you." slight pause: (Heart fluttering...good news? bad news???? is it GOOD if the surgeon is doing something he normally wouldn't? Or is that bad???? AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!) "I have some good news....."

What an awesome God we serve! He answered my little teeny tiny prayer from way down here among millions of prayers...

Now, one thing you need to know is that at my appointment I asked "So I'll find out if I have cancer or not?" and the surgeon said "Yes, but you will also be given a name for exactly what it is." Cool. So...he says to me "I know I told you there would be a name for what you have...but it's pretty rare, and there really isn't a name for it." Then he rattled off the medically-confusing-not-really-a-name-term for it. He said it's basically where the connecting ligaments/tissues form lumps. This explains why they were so confused as to the location of the lump. Not in the breast. Not in the lymph nodes. Not really anywhere normal.
So there you go. It's almost a new year and my new year's hope is that we won't have to meet a deductible. (However, Kaden's tonsils aren't exactly cooperating with that hope...which is why it isn't a resolution.) :)

Today I am having a lump removed from my shoulder area. The doctors are saying they don't think it's a high risk thing since it's not in the lymph nodes or breast, but the fact that after thinking he didn't want to take it out, to changing his mind RIGHT after feeling/seeing it makes me nervous. I'm nervous. It's not very easy for me to admit that normally. Lately, after so many doctors/tests/etc..I've gotten good at waiting for results. But it seems like the results keep getting more and more "iffy" and the waiting gets longer and longer. God has really been teaching me patience. But most of all He's been teaching me to trust. Not just Him either. Actually, through everything I feel like I've trusted God and His sovereignty easier than I've trusted doctor's and their tests. And more than I've trusted my friends/family with even the knowledge of what we've been facing. I talked to my brother who's here, and who watched my kids for the appointment this morning, and he didn't even know what my appointment was for. For all he knew it was just a yearly physical, or a sore throat....until someone asked him if I'd had my "surgery" yet. He thought they were asking about my gallbladder back in July. In fact, besides Luke's parents (which have only known for a day or 2) I don't know if any of his family knows, and my parents are the only ones in my family. After that discussion I started realizing that in uncertain circumstances it's important to trust in our almighty God....but there is a lot to be said for allowing people into my life to pray for me. Sure, I've let a few people know. a VERY few. and even they didn't know right away. I want to be someone who trusts God and people enough to share my struggles, even though it's hard to be transparent like that. Especially with my own family who would be more than happy to pray for me.

Also, I'll know the results next week sometime. I'll post as soon as I know, so you don't have to wonder if I have cancer!!!

This Post Does Not Have a Title.

I literally just sat here for 2 minutes with my fingers positioned and....nothin'. (Annnnnd...it just happened again.) There's been so much going on in our "neck of the woods" and it seems like I'd have so much to write...it's just that I don't feel like it. Not at all.

I can't wait until January 1. Some days I think it's going to be like this magical day. One where all our bills vanish. (HA!) Where we are suddenly well. And where time slows down and the "to do" list shrinks. And I let myself believe it.

Other days I tell myself I better quit living in that dreamland and SOON. Sometimes life is just tough. Lately, I've felt ganged up on in many areas. Mostly health-wise and financially. I feel like we no sooner get one doctor to clear us and we start the next. While I'm on the subject, you can say a little prayer for us on Wednesday-which happens to be the next Dr. appointment-this time with my surgeon. I'll blog more about that later. For now, you can just pray that it'll all work out-preferrably before Jan 1.

When I start feeling ganged up on I have options. Sometimes I choose to look back and think "Yep, I'm right. First it was sick and pregnant. Then it was gallbladder surgery. then it was 9 weeks of sickness for Kaden with bouts of us in there too. Then it was me again with MRI's EKG's etc..., then it was Kate and her ER trips and testing mingled with the flu and colds circulating again, then it was me again. and I haven't even mentioned the relationship struggles, church struggles, and our hail damage..." And then I feel really depressed and defeated. Other times I choose to think about how much I've grown. I've seen God's provision-in finances, timing, etc. I've seen God's mercy and love. And I would say my close relationships have been strengthened. I wouldn't take that back for anything.

This all came to me as I've been pondering my Christmas Letter. The one that's actually a New Years letter because I never get it done til we go to my parents house for vacation. I wondered how to write about a year of struggles, sickness, hurt, and frustration. I pondered writing in "top 10" style..and part of me doesn't want to because it just wouldn't be fair to "act" like life has been so good, when i feel so beat down. But the more I think about it, the more I want to. I want to focus on the good. I want to focus on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy..." that's what I want to think about. I want to tell about my year in a way that God will be exalted.

so. be expecting that. It'll be posted on here sometime in January.

Pee On The Table, Please!

If you want to see a brief update on Kate and her tests you can read the previous post. This one is more the thoughts that came from her testing.

For one of Kate's tests they filled her bladder with fluid/dye and watched through a big scary machine to see how her bladder and kidneys worked and if there was anything wrong. The very end of the test is that when they take out the catheter they ask the person to
"Pee on the table please." There is no option. Whether you are 7 months old or 55 years old. You must pee on the table. This is so they can watch your bladder expel fluid and whether does that properly, and whether it empties all the way.

Talking to the nurses beforehand they told me it's really hard to do this test on 2-3 year olds because they don't understand. They KNOW they get in trouble for peeing anywhere but there diaper or the toilet. They also know that it's embarrassing to pee on the table. But the mom has to keep them there until they just do what they are told.

I wonder how many times God asks us to do something that we feel is absurd and downright outlandish. How often does God ask us to "Pee on the table, please?" and we say "No, I know that's not what I should do." or we think we know what the consequences of such an action woudl be. How often do we think we know better than God? How often does he keep us in a situation until we just can't "hold it" anymore and break down and "pee"?

I don't really have a good example of this in my life. But part of me wonders if I do. I wish it were as simple as Him just telling me to pee!

Do YOU need to go ahead and just pee on the table? It's just a thought.